1 Month

How does something go from this
(April 8, 2011)

To this?
(May 8, 2011)

Well. A lot of bottles and infinite amounts of love.

This Mother’s Day I would like to share something very personal with the blogging world: I am a Birth Mom. That handsome man is my son Bennett.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, “Umm…didn’t you just celebrate your 4-year-anniversary for your baptism?” Yes, yes I did. Something important to note about me: I am nowhere near perfect and have made some lousy mistakes in my life.

But I have also had the opportunity to see Heavenly Father take any situation and use it for his purposes and create blessings out of heartache. And I have been stretched and grown to become something so much greater than I could have ever imagined.

So. Discovering you are pregnant while single and in a foreign country = no beuno.

(That’s right… Important Thing to Note #2: I am a Canadian currently attending college in the States.)

Trying to figure out what to do in that situation = no beuno times infinity.

Luckily there is help. I was able to contact the LDS Family Services office in my area and arranged to speak with a counselor about my options. Her name was Stacy and she is PHENOMINAL! I was instantly put at-ease and could easily open up to her about all areas of my complicated life.

I walked in to her office already planning on Adoption. In fact, I had contacted a family the weekend I found out I was pregnant. So I went in there with my mind set. Now, don’t get me wrong.  Stacy loves Adoption and in her position she is able to see the wonderful miracle it can be in peoples’ lives. But it is also her responsibility to inform mothers about all of their options so that they are able to make an educated decision about their future.

She and I had great conversations. But I was dealing with a lot. I had heartache as well as my future and my baby’s future to think about. So it definitely took some time to recover. But I never wavered from my original decision to place. (Important Thing to Note #3: Proper Adoption Lingo, we “place” children, we do not “give them up.” We can talk more about that later.) With Stacy’s help and a lot of prayer I discovered my own testimony about Adoption and how it was the right decision for me.

I can tell you that when I first discovered I was pregnant, I couldn’t even manage a shriek. I just stared at that fateful little “+” while my mind raced. I felt that this was the consequences to my bad decisions and that it was my responsibility to abandon my dreams and care for this child. But I quickly came to the realization that it was my responsibility to do what was best for this child. To put aside what I wanted or what would be easiest, and do all I could to give this child the best life possible. And as painful as it is to realize, my baby would not have the best life I could provide by having me raise him.

I will make a great mother. When it is my time. But I didn’t feel it was fair to quit school, find a dead-end job, and have my child stuck in a Day Care while I worked to make enough money to support our little family. It was critical for me to have my child in a two-parent household, with a couple that was sealed in the temple, with stability and that was prepared for children. And I found that in my couple, Jared & Amy.

As I mentioned previously, I contacted them shortly after I found out I was pregnant. It was via email, just a simple little “hello.” (If that is possible…? Haha. “Hello. I happen to be pregnant and you are looking for children…” Just kidding, it wasn’t quite like that.) Anyway. The three of us communicated via e-mail back and forth for a few months before meeting in the fall. I was worried to meet them, nervous; it felt as though I had to make a good impression! But they were wonderful and as Jared has said before, “it just felt right.” I officially asked them to be my Adoptive Couple that weekend in the fall and we continued to e-mail, text, phone call, and visit for the next 8 months.

They are wonderful. I cannot tell you what a special bond we have. I truly know that they have love for the baby I was carrying, but they are also concerned about me and my goals and future. I have joked repeatedly that my baby and I were a 2-for-1 deal so they have essentially adopted both of us.

As for pregnancy, labour and delivery, we can discuss that another day.  But for now I wanted to share that little tid-bit and do a special shout-out to Moms.

To My Mom: You are an amazing woman. We haven’t always been close, but I feel that we are headed there as I get older and I am so excited (notice how I am getting older, you don’t age!). You are a special combination of love and laughter and I am thrilled that I have inherited that from you.

To My Mormon Moms: There are a few of you out there, and you know who you are. Thank you for your truly special, divine examples of motherhood, womanhood, and righteous choices. Thank you for being there for me when distance has separated me and my momma. Thank you for the words of encouragement, hugs full of love, and Kleenexes full of snot and tears. Distance may come between us, but our hearts are tied together.

And To Amy, Adoptive Mom to My Bennett: I love you more than I can ever express. And I think you know that. I am so grateful to have found you and to be a part of this miraculous journey. You have taught me more than you realize and I appreciate you and Jared opening up your home and hearts not only to my son, but to me as well. I know that you will never let me down, I have seen your mothering-in-action and you are incredible. And I know that you will continue to honor me as a Birth Mother and that means more to me than I can say. My heart speaks to yours. Happy Mother’s Day, this is one of many, many more.

For any of you who have ties to Adoption, feel free to post comments about it. I would love to be able to share them with others who may roam this blog. If you have any questions or concerns you would like to contact me about in person, please e-mail me at jaylene.jade.claire@gmail.com I would love to be of assistance, share words of encouragement, or lend a listening ear to anyone in need.

If you are pregnant and are unsure of what to do, please contact LDS Family Services in your area. They offer free counseling and will discuss all of your options with you. You can also visit www.itsaboutlove.org for more information and to hear stories of other Birth Moms 

(I actually know Tamra and Colleen, they are INCREDIBLE!)

To all the Moms out there, and Future Moms, and of course Birth Moms, thank you for your love, sacrifice, and all that you do.